Love Advice – Good Arguing

relationship advice

Arguments are going to happen from time to time between two independent adults.   A lot of us think our relationships are bad if we argue, but that is not necessarily true. You can get Relationship Advice on this here.

But, arguing in a bad way is a problem.  Even just a little conflict that damages the relationship can lead to divorce or breaking up.

Unhealthy arguing that damages the relationship occurs in several ways.  The first common way is when one or both of you attack the other, or withdraw into silence for days.  Attacking your mate, yelling at them, screaming or deriding them is a bad way to argue.  Another negative way to argue is to withdraw for hours or days and refuse to talk with your mate.  Both attacking and withdrawing lead to problems.

Another big cause of damage in your relationship is if during an argument you say things that are very hurtful to your mate, like you’re a complete stupid idiot or a worthless wench.   Studies have shown that if one or both partners treat each other with scorn or contempt during an argument, that relationship gets severely damaged.  If you treat your mate with scorn or get treated with scorn you should learn how to deal with conflict in a healthier way.

Here are some healthy ways to argue.  First, try to breathe through your anger or fear.  Focusing on your breathing can help you to stay calm and present.  This can take a while to learn, but it helps.  You can get more relationship advice here.

It may take a while to learn this, but aim to de-escalate arguments.  If your partner is yelling, see if you can talk softly.  If you are doing the yelling, see if you can breathe and pause and aim to not damage your partner.

An additional powerful method for good arguments is to ask your mate this important question:  What’s important to you about this issue?  Then LISTEN without interrupting or attacking them.  Then see if you can share your views about what’s important to you.  This will often lead to compromise.

Lastly, a great move is to reconnect with your lover fast after the argument is over.  Don’t let the resentment and silence linger or build up.  Say “I’m sorry we disagreed, are you all right?”  Break the ice!  There is much more to learn about good conflict, but this is a good start.  You can get a complete system about relationship wisdom here.

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