My mind is dripping with paint. Colors casted all over the never-ending canvas of my mind. Mixing. Swirling. Blasted with unique colour. How rare for a mind that was stripped of colour not so long ago…one that was weighed down by the blackest of blacks and the gap between those dark shades and white. There had been only that. Nothing apart from that. There are gorgeous and complex portraits of memories that unfold like streamers in my mind. I used to curse these endless reels of tape falling from the ceilings. They’d play over and over in my mind again. Moments. Memories. Feelings. Laughter. My mind felt weighed under by their presence. I tried to manipulate the uncontrollable, to only understand that once a flutter of wind came by they’d disentangle time and again.
This was the tale about a man experiencing discomfort. Regret. Pain. Fear.
A damaging force within himself controlled by the bitter producing of life’s greatest demons and tests. A man who feared the genuine, the true, and to stand up for what deeply spoke within his heart and drove his ambitions. A type of man annihilated by a force burning him to death from a wild cold that froze even glimmers of warmth inside his heart. I was the type of man who gripped on too tight to what existed, strangling whatever was to the point of lack of breath. My grip was harsh, turning things to dust, letting them sift through my fingers. My hands callused from building walls and thwarting off intruders of love.
I was the sort of man whose heavy hands were beaten to a pulp by his attempts to grasp onto things that wanted to change, only to unfortunately find that there’s an incapability to manipulate what must shift. The agony that was created from watching the inevitable changing of things only brought more fear, more darkness, more pain.
I was that kind of man, once upon a time.
One day I chose to let go. Of everything. All that I feared, all that I adored. Everything in that moment, became much lighter. I started to believe that all would arrive in time, that love would find its way, lessons would show up at my doorstep and I could actually start to live.
I let the streamers, oh those attractive tapestries of my mind unfold as they wished, floating around the expansive room of my thoughts with freedom and grace. I started to walk with their wonderful colours appreciating their intricacies and depth. In turn, I granted myself the possibility for utilizing what was divine inside my soul. I started to talk to the heavens and for once, rather than living in steady pain, I just lived, giving up existing for something far grander.
But amongst it all, I became the sort of man that may be dripping with colour and could watch everything go. I could hold people with open palms so they were free to fly. I could grin at things that once caused me pain. My hands, notwithstanding their strength, became very gentle. I became softer. My words became deeper. My feelings became stronger. And with all that, the intensity of the looks I gave others became engulfed with passion. I stopped looking at other people and looked into them.
I used to be the kind of man who suffered endlessly.
Now, I’m the sort of man who suffers, and with that, loves deeply.
I am moving on with a full heart.
Evan Sanders is the author of The Words Of Encouragement, a website dedicated to bringing the best quotes, motivational content on the web, and blogs all to one place. Need some more content to help you move forward with your life having your heart broken or being dumped? Try out these letting go quotes for some help. Trust me, they are good.