In my years counseling, I have worked with many couples through the crisis of sexual, emotional, and now the prevalent finance cuckoldry. I have seen some amazing recoveries. Couples who recover use affair recovery as an opportunity to create the best marriage they presumably can. The following is a summary of some “lessons learned” by couples have experienced after an affair (the pronouns “he” and “she” are swapped for simpleness).
First, sexual attraction and want are ordinary, whereas acting on that behaviour is where trouble starts. Accept the indisputable fact that you and your other half could be drawn to other people during your marriage, and target your energy on what is sufficient to do next.
Second, life brings enticement and we need to have plans to nip it in the bud if or when it strikes. Ask, “If my better half was feeling attracted to somebody outside the relationship, could she trust me to handle those feelings and help her?” If the answer’s no, the plan should ideally include permitting anyone at any point to speak about feelings with a specialist or a trustworthy advisor.
Third, take resposibility for your love language! Are you interested in a certain appearance? Does the ability to make funny banter get your pulse racing? Does a particular skill or hobby make your knees weak? Pay attention to these triggers, and make sure you don’t hire, go to lunch with alone, work out at the gymnasium, or Facebook with anyone who speaks your love language.
4th, don’t underestimate or make excuses for your fighting better half. Affairs require logistical back-flips and mental moral gymnastics that would put Cirque de Soleil to embarrassment. If you have the time to cheat, you have sufficient time to forestall. Similarly, if you have sufficient time to cheat, you have the time to recover. Telling your spouse you don’t have time for a marriage recovery activity like marriage advice, a church marriage retreat, or a weekly check-in breakfast with a mentor is a cop-out. The time after infidelity can seem like anticipating a cliff-dive; be brave and take the plunge not only for you but for your spouse.
Doctor. Kate Walker is an approved professional counselor in the Woodlands, Texas. Her article offers some tried and tested techniques for forestalling affairs and affair recovery, and elaborates that couples can reconstruct their marriage after infidelity.