9 Things About Marriage To Get Direct From The Start

Having a great marriage from day one means respecting your spouse in these nine ways and more. You can’t avoid some problems, but you can try to avoid dealing with them poorly.

As your wedding date comes and goes, you will be presented with a lot of guidance, some better than other ones. But if you keep these nine things under consideration, your marriage will go right from the start and you can avoid some general issues that many face in the initial few years of their married life:

1. Respect the rituals. That includes the custom of an engagement band and wedding ring as well as other jewellery pieces for special occasions all though a marriage. And of course, you might as well believe in Valentine’s Day. All of your friends have.

2. Don’t rush into having children. Start to know one another better and enjoy being a pair before you change the dynamic by adding kids. Once the children arrive, the focus is off your relationship and onto them.

3. Avoid debt if you can. Debt is a yoke that may weigh down your life, so don’t take it on if you can avoid it. You will have to take on loans for a home or car, but that new television or patio expansion can wait till you’ve got sufficient funds in hand.

4. Don’t have unachievable expectations. Marriage involves some tough times, and it doesn’t answer the problems you already have individually or as a couple. Cope with issues as well as you can, and understand that a number of them will never go away fully.

5. Don’t build up resentment. You might have heard that you shouldn’t go to bed being angry but you also should not head off to bed with bitterness issues that you have not addressed. If your spouse’s way of living, career or ethics are bothering you, have the debate now rather than later on.

6. Respect your spouse’s feelings. We don’t all react in the same ways , so that you can never predict your spouse’s reactions with certainty. Let go of judgments and attachments to outcomes and accept that your other half will confront each issue in their own time and in their own special way.

7. Make decisions together. It’s okay to get a bad tire fixed without your partner’s permission, but you can’t just make a decision to take a week off or go and see your parent’s without consulting your spouse. You share a life now, so make choices as a single unit when possible.

8. Put up with quirks. Your partner may be insistent on counting the pieces of potato on the dinner plate or lining up peas in a row, and that is fine. Everybody has quirks. Tolerate them, accept them and learn how to see them as adorable. There’s little that you can do about them anyway.

9. Give some space when necessary. Everybody needs some down time, even married couples. So when your spouse gets reflective or quiet, find something handy to do on your own. Whether that is seeing a movie by yourself or going into the spare bedroom for an hour, you’ll enjoy the time as well.

Does this solve each possible problem a marriage can encounter? Of course not. Some of your issues will be uniquely your own, and you can enjoy the challenge of dealing with them according to your own thoughts and feelings.

If you let respect guide every decision , however , you can’t get it wrong.

Petra Bierberg is owner of a jewellery design company in South Africa and enjoys writing about designer wedding rings and sharing advice to couples that are recently engaged or married.

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